Wednesday, January 12, 2011


I had never intended to become a giver of advice when I started this blog, but this question was so pertinent to my journey that I had to share it.  It shows the reluctance that one has to face a friend's disability.  And, obesity is definitely a disability - one that can plunge you into unmentionable depths of despair.

Friend - January 11 at 10:43 p.m.
Way to go, Peggy! I know it's got to be a struggle but hang in there! I remember you and Bob kicking up your heels dancing back in the "old days"--still time for more of it!
(Son) and (daughter-in-law) have a friend that is I would guess "morbidly obese" . Anyway, I think she might have worked in a library with (son) when she was going to college and now is out and has a masters degree and can't find a job and I mean any job - well not quite - she just got kind of a temp job doing data entry or something. Nobody has the stomach to really put reality to her--she's young and has a lot of energy but is just huge and I know that is part or most of her unemployment problem. Her parents have enough money that my guess is they would finance something for her but she won't even go to the Dr. for anything because she is so ashamed of her weight. What program are you on? I was thinking maybe this girl needed a gastic bypass or something. What do you think?
My Response:
Friend - thank you so much for those kind words.
Surgery? I don't know - I guess it has been successful for some, and not for others. As with any surgery, there are risks involved. There are those who suggested that to me. In my case, it only added to my depression. I didn't have it, but just thinking about it made me consider myself more of a "loser". Anyone should be able to lose weight - right? It's only a sign of weakness that got me here in the first place - right? I don't know that measure like that is bad, but it doesn't change your outlook on life - it doesn't make you feel positive about your ability to control yourself. At least, those were the feelings that I had.

This program is hard. It will take me at least a year to become 'me' again. But each minute of each day, I feel triumphant - like I have overcome a demon inside of me. It is a very positive and uplifting feeling of - I guess - superiority.
I guess that I wouldn't know what to advise (son's) friend to do. I only know that for me, surgery would just have been another 'cop out' in a list of many.
I believe that my program works. My daughter is also on a program that works. Weight Watchers has worked for millions. The power is within each of us to make a 'program work'. This program is showing a faster weight loss than any of the others that I have tried, and you have a personal 'one on one' visit with a counselor each week.
I suspect that his friend may be more overcome by depression than one who is not so well educated. She obviously has the ability to make rational and intelligent decisions, so may feel even more out of control as a result. Change and power is within each of us. We just have to reach a point that we are willing to succumb to the realization that "life as normal" isn't the life were given to live. For me, it was the shock of seeing the transformation in my Doctor. He was living proof that there was hope for me as well.
Feel free to share my blog with her if you feel it will help her. She, too, may find something that she can use to help her "over the edge" so to speak. Kind of like the first time Jack rapelled off a 500' rock face - just needed a nudge to get started.
As you can tell, I am passionate about this process - and the progress I am making. Not only my relationship with Bob has inproved, but I actually like myself. And that is the first step to everyone else liking you. I start week 23 tomorrow (my weeks start on Thursday with weigh-in) and am looking forward to it.
What do I think? I think your friend has to take a good look inside herself and make the decision that the person visible on the outside is not the person hiding inside. Please send her my best wishes and blessings. I hope she finds the courage to "make the leap".

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