MILEPOST 85

I am slowing down - only 2 pound loss this week.  The secret is to keep focused and stick with the program.  We did go out to eat this week - to Wine O'Clock, one of our favorite restaurants.  Wonderful people and great food.  Lori (the chef) made a salad for me that was out of this world.  Who would have thought that I would have ever said that about a salad? 

I shared a goal with you a couple of weeks ago.  I want to have lost 90 pounds, half of my weight loss, by Valentine's Day.  Of course, my Valentine's Day will be my weigh-in day which is Thursday, so I have 2 weeks to do it.  I think I can do this.  What do you think?

Who am I?

I am almost halfway to my goal weight.  I am no longer that person who I described in my first post.  I haven't experienced any depression for months.  However, I am not the person I want to become either.  I guess I am Mrs. In-Between. 

This is a hard place to be.  My old clothes don't fit - I have taken a number of them to Good Will.  But, the new ones I have ordered to replace them don't fit either.  I don't want to spend a lot of money on new clothes that I will be discarding in a few months, so I look at pictures of clothes that I want to be able to wear when I reach the end of this journey.   I want new ones!  Small ones!  Ones that fit!  NOW!

Not all clothes are created equal.  I have two or three pairs of pants in a size 1X that fit fine - maybe even a little large.  And others in a 1X that won't come up above my knees.  I have shirts in a 2X that are sloppy big - and some that are so tight that they are hanging in the closet just waiting for a few more inches to be shed. 

Bob and I are going to take another road trip around the United States in July, ending up in Boston to spend the 4th with Toni, Michael and the girls.  I never thought of myself as a planner, but I guess I am.  I will have all the motel reservations made at 6 - 8 hour intervals by the middle of May.  Bob, on the other hand, likes to wing it.  Drive until we get tired, and then hope for the best.  Me?  I want to know that I have a bed at night. 

I want a sundress! I want to be able to wear a dress to summer picnics.  And, I want it - NOW!  But, I have no idea what size I will be wearing by July.  In the back of my mind, I just know that whatever I like will not be available by the time I am ready to buy it. 

Patience has never been my strong point. 

So, how does this relate to my eating habits?  I think I have always eaten in the same way.  If something looks good, I want it - NOW!  And, I have eaten it as though I will never be able to eat that item again.  As though I will be depriving myself of that pleasure for the rest of my life.   I have always been a fast eater - devouring my food like there wasn't going to be any left if I didn't get my fair share right away.  There have been times in my life that I have eaten an entire pie - then made another one so no one would know I ate the first one.  Did I not think it was obvious that I was putting more into my body than I was working off?  Silly Me!

I realize after 25 weeks on program that I am changing the way I look at food.  I still look forward to a good meal, but I don't feel the desperation to devour it - a habit that always left me wanting more.  And, because Bob has more on his plate than I do,  I have slowed down the eating process.  I don't want to be sitting in front of an empty plate while he is still eating.  And, as a result, I find that I am enjoying my food more.  And, I feel good when I am done.  I always heard that by eating fast, you don't allow your brain enough time to register that you are full.  And, then once it does register, you have that "stuffed" feeling. 

"Patience is a virtue!"  One that I obviously do not possess.  But, I am working on it.    And, there will always be another piece of chocolate pie - or an ice cream cone - or apple pie. 

There will always be another dress.