MILEPOST 105

THIRTY WEEKS - and a grand total of 105 pounds.  Such a short time compared to a lifetime, but a long time to be on a weight loss program.  I am still losing, but I still expect to step  on the scale one week and discover that I have either maintained, or worse yet, gained weight during the past week.  I have come such a long way, but still have a long way to go to reach my final destination.

"What can we gain by sailing to the moon if we are not able to cross the abyss that separates us from ourselves?  This is the most important of all voyages of discovery, and without it, all the rest are not only useless, but disastrous."  Thomas Merton

I have spent the past seven months 'discovering' myself.  I have learned a great deal about "ME", but most of all, learned that there is probably a lot more to learn.  I have learned that I am able to be a confident person who is in control of her life and her destiny.

STEPPING OUT!

I am doing things now that I would not have even considered six months ago.

First, I drove to Montana - by myself - to visit mom last week.  Bob was tied up attending a convention, so rather than stay home alone, I made the trip to Montana.  I am easily able to fill the gas tank, fasten the seatbelt, get into and out of the truck, and walk to my destination.  I stopped in Missoula to have lunch with my niece along the way, and then in Butte for dinner with my mother-in-law, brother-in-law and niece.  I have learned to order from a menu without panic.  I am assertive enough that when my vegetables come drenched in butter, I can send them back and re-order them steamed.  I stopped in Coeur d'Alene at Costco on the way back, parked in a stall near the gas pumps, met Bob, and walked to the store without difficulty.  And, best of all - I had a chicken salad without dressing while he had one of those 'sinful' Costco sausage dogs!   I had made up my mind ahead of time that it would be okay - that I could handle it.  All in all, I feel very good about my progress.

I have learned that I can be independent.  I have always hated being alone, but I am no longer afraid to be alone.  I have learned that I like to eat healthy foods.  I feel good about the meals we are eating.  I am somewhat surprised that I don't feel like I am being punished in some way. 

Summer is fast approaching - although when you step outside into the frigid temps, it is hard to relate to summer.  We have such a busy summer scheduled.  Next week, we are going to Lincoln City, OR. to attend a Charlie Pride concert.  I booked a motel on the beach so I will walk on the beach with my husband for the first time in many years.  Maybe even a little rain won't stop us - it will be fun!  I am so looking forward to that moment.

Jack (our youngest son) called and told us that he has an open house at Berkeley campus on April 1, and asked us to join him there.    I have a motel near the BART line, and I am looking forward to hopping the train and going to the Fisherman's Wharf.   I think we will be spending a lot of time in CA. now that he will be getting his masters there. We will drive the Mini as far as Elko - then to Tahoe with Jack, then on to CA. 

We will be going to Las Vegas the last week of April.  I don't know if I am ready to 'walk the strip' yet, but I am going to give it a try! 

My life has changed!  Each day brings with it a new challenge and another opportunity to succeed.  Because of our busy schedule, I will have to depend on myself to remain on program during the times that I am unable to attend my weekly counseling sessions.  Of course, that is part of the process - to become a strong enough person to be able to make those choices without the crutch of others prodding you or holding you up along the way.

The greatest challenge I am facing now is to remember my final goal and not to fall into the trap of "I feel so good now that I am okay without completing the journey".